Why selfishness is a virtue... 

Have you ever been admonished for being selfish?... I have…
 
A little selfishness is essential and beneficial…. I work in a neighbourhood centre and deal with traumatic stories all day… when I get home and need some time out I let people know about that… even at work I need to be able to say no… if someone asks me for money or for a lift somewhere out of my way… I’ll say no… and I’m OK with that...

But what about extremes of selfishness… totally great… I actually see everything I do as selfish behaviour… teaching… coaching youth through my Anxious to Awesome program…. volunteering at the local youth drop in centre… my unpaid work at the neighbourhood centre… kind words to friends…
 
This comes from a different definition of selfishness…. when we make a shift from seeing ourselves as isolated beings who are separate from each other, from the earth, and from the universal whole… to seeing ourselves as totally relational beings who only exist through our interactions with everything and everyone else… we live in the truth that ancient spirituality and now modern science teaches us… that everything we think, say, and do has an impact on everything else that exists….. 
 
Then looking after others becomes a selfish act… 

And looking after ourselves becomes an act of service…. 

So what if in our human imperfection we hurt another… we promise something to another and we don’t follow through… we let people down… we can’t give to others what they ask of us and then they are hurt…. well yes… in this we are hurt ourselves…
 
I’ve been in this situation before… and I’m sure you have too…
 
So what to do in this situation?

• Be impeccable with your word… if you have agreed to do something, do your best to stick to it…
• If you don’t want to do something… say no…
• If someone is upset or hurt because you said no… let go of any guilt…
• If you break a promise for any reason… apologise… be gentle with yourself… forgive yourself for being human… be more careful next time…
• If someone is too demanding on your time and energy and does not respect your needs or boundaries… keep saying no… let go of any guilt… maybe let go of the relationship…

“What if that person is my child?”… well if that child is now a teenager or young adult then it is OK to say no to their demands on your time and energy… 
 
So let’s recap… when you give to them you give to yourself as well…. but when you give to them out of obligation or guilt or with expectations… this leads to resentment and no-one benefits… 
 
So when someone asks something of you…. be selfish… think to yourself… “what do I need to do to take care of myself in this situation”…
 
The Anxious to Awesome program is a coaching program for youth which empowers them to be selfish…. 
 
The Anxious to Awesome program teaches you strategies to cope with your own feelings of anxiety…. it also teaches you strategies to cope with the pain you see in others… your peers, your family, your fellow human beings all over the planet… the planet itself… it guides you to realise your deep connection with others… it encourages you to live life as though everything you do makes a difference… because it does….
 
So I’m going to ask something of you now… and I want you to be totally selfish in your response… I’m going to ask you to commit to creating a happy and fulfilled life for yourself and for us all… 
 
The Anxious to Awesome program is now available as a self-study program for only $99… you can purchase it here (scroll down to the very bottom of the page)… and get started straight away… you will receive a comprehensive welcome package and then each week for 6 weeks you will receive an email with a link to a password protected page on my website… there you will find an intro video, a summary handout, guided meditations, and journaling questions to guide you through the journey…. you can also email me as much as you like throughout the 6 weeks with questions or challenges….
 
For those of you who would like extra support… the Anxious to Awesome package with all of the same online content for youth… PLUS weekly one hour coaching calls… PLUS weekly info material and support for parents… is available for $599…. ​