Have you ever wanted something so bad you did everything you could to get it?... if that thing was an A on a test, to lose weight, or a new piece of clothing…. chances are you got what you wanted… because you can set these as goals…. visualise your success everyday… and then take action…. yes, you’re a control freak… and you got what you wanted!!
If you’ve set these things as goals and not achieved them…. you’re weren't being a control freak…. maybe you really wanted to lose weight but instead of doing everything you could to achieve this… you ate chocolate and Danish pastries everyday… and told yourself you weren’t in control of what you were eating…. (yes, I have done this before!!!!)
So being a control freak is a definite plus in this situation….
When you tell yourself you are not in control of your eating (or drinking, smoking, shopping, gambling or any other compulsive behaviour)…. you are telling yourself a lie… you have total control over your own actions…. this is the one thing you can control…. you can’t control the addictive urges…. you can’t control the feelings of despair, fear, or anger you may be trying to avoid… but you can definitely control how you respond….
Everything is difficult until it becomes easy… same goes for self-control… it takes repetition and practice to change a habit…. If you’ve always turned to food when you feel sad or angry…. It will take some time to change this reaction….
Building self-control is like building a muscle…. you can practice on easy things…. not eating sugar until midday… staying silent for 10 seconds…. clicking your fingers 50 times…. going for an afternoon walk three times a week….
Each time you stay true to your word… your self-control muscle gets stronger…
Each time you set unrealistic expectations…. like not eating sugar for the next month…. or running 10 km every day… and then break your word… it’s strains your self-control muscle….
That’s OK…. be gentle on yourself…. and go back to easy self-control muscle building exercises…. build your strength back….
Eventually you can start setting yourself big goals…. like running an hour every day… or only eating when you’re hungry… and having the self-control you need to follow through!!
The definition of power is…”the ability to act”…. so when you learn to use your self-control muscle… you get powerful…
As a parent do you feel powerless over your child’s future?… Are you scared that your child won’t be able to cope in the real world?... Do you want to control their decisions and actions in order to feel safe?
Forget about trying to control what other people do…. or how they feel or react to you… you can only control your own actions… when you want to decide which course your child should do…. or if you help them so much with their homework you’re pretty much doing it for them… you are taking away their ability to take action themselves… you are taking away their power…
So what actions can you take… what power do you have…. well you can give information… about courses you know of or about healthy choices… you can model good communication by expressing how you feel… “I feel scared and worried because I need to know you’re always going to be safe”… you can tell them that you’re always there to listen and give encouragement when they do make a bad choice… you can tell them that you believe in their ability to make good choices…. and you can pat yourself on the back for being a great parent and instilling important life values…. and then you can let go and trust… set them free…
Oh and think about the advice you do want to give… about their future or about their lifestyle choices… often the advice we give others is what we most need to listen to and take action on ourselves…
As a teenager do you feel powerless over the decisions that affect your life?... Do you feel like you have no control over your future?... Are you scared that you won’t be able to get a good job and make enough money to survive?
Anxious to Awesome is a 6 week mentoring program which gives you strategies to overcome the fears and negative beliefs that stand in your way… and it empowers you to take action so you can create the life of your dreams…
The Anxious to Awesome program also includes content and support for parents...